Category: UK


Miss me, but let me go!

AMDG

At a funeral yesterday, one of the family read out this poem at the crematorium – which I thought was very helpful.


When I come to the end of the road
and the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
– why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little, but not too long,
and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared
– miss me, but let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take,
and each must go alone.
It’s all a part of the Master’s plan,
a step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and sick of heart
go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me – but let me go.


Why was is to so helpful?     

We know that grieving is a process…. according to Kubhler-Ross

And many things have to die in our lives (not just people)

Maybe it helps us keep moving on that journey

Funeral Speed

AMDG

A while back I had the unusual experience of a 45-minute journey, in a hearse, to a graveyard after a requiem mass,  longer than usual.  Often it is a much shorter journey to the place of committal from the church.  In this instance, the person had insisted that their funeral take place in a church that was precious for them, that they frequented even though it was about 12 miles from where they lived.  They also wanted to be laid to rest in the local graveyard where it was easy for family and friends to visit and tend the grave.  So his final journey was longer than normal.

The journey in the hearse was quite a revelation. Whilst on duty, a funeral cortege usually moves slightly slower than normal traffic, as a sign of respect.  I was told that this is known in the trade as ‘funeral speed’.  Sitting in the front of the hearse, I was shocked by how impatient some of the other drivers were.  Some people were irritated, occasionally overtaking in an aggressive manner,  we were even ‘honked’ a couple of times.  I was shocked although the chauffeur seemed calm.  On the way back, without the coffin and family in the back, driving at normal speed – he admitted that this insensitivity by other drivers was becoming more common, ‘funeral etiquette’ was certainly on the decline. We both agreed that ideally, you would want the procession to take place in a stately way, you can’t legislate for other drivers. I was impressed with how calm he was but sad about how the family must have felt with the ignorance on display.

A school I used to teach at, was close to a big crematorium. This meant that the students were often waiting at bus stops to come home when a funeral procession would pass by.  It was a great credit to them that they would always stop larking around, bless themselves and bow their heads when a hearse passed.  The headteacher told me that he would occasionally receive letters from families who were very moved by these schoolboys showing such respect.   These things leave lasting impressions and speak more than anything about the ethos of a school, and the culture in which someone is brought up in.  You notice when people stop out of respect when a hearse passes…. I still bless myself when an ambulance roars past.  When you are in raw grief, you are hyper-sensitive to whats happening around you, I still remember as a teenager…  the night my nan died, I needed to take a walk and felt angry that normal life was going on, people were enjoying themselves in bars, out shopping etc…..  How dare they!  As W.H.Auden memorably said…

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

 

AMDG

One of the most under-reported stories in the new year was a good-news-one,  surprise, surprise (we are not interested in good stories)!  2017 was the safest year in commercial air travel with no deaths reported, despite there being more flights than ever before. This is incredible considering 3.77bn people flew last year, it marks a consistent rise since 2010 which shows no signs of slowing down.  This amazing pace of growth creates all sorts of stresses on the industry, with Ryan Air struggling to recruit enough pilots, Easy Jet accused of over-scheduling, but it is quite a relief that it doesn’t seem to affect safety standards.

It made me think of a book I read a couple of years ago – ‘Black Box Thinking’ by the British author Matthew Syed. He suggests that the commercial airline industry can be held up as a model of continual and successful reform.  His basic thesis is that the air travel is becoming one of the safest ways of travelling because of the way the industry learns every time there is a terrible crash.  The Black Box in an aircraft typically contains a data recorder and a cockpit voice recorder.  The data recorder preserves the recent history of the flight through the recording of dozens of parameters collected several times per second,  the voice recorder preserves the recent history of the sounds in the cockpit, including the conversation of the pilots.  So it is a record of that complex interaction between technology and humans – and facilitates a post-disaster investigation. Syed basically argues this means that the airline industry has been able to constantly make reforms that make it safer for all of us to fly.  This is compared to the medical profession which is very resistant to reform because of consultants and surgeon’s tendency to cover up mistakes.

I think it is a fascinating book because it is about learning from failure, which Syed argues is the most powerful method of learning known to mankind. Black Box thinkers have a healthy relationship with failure he argues.  This is what makes Pope Francis such a compelling and authentic leader.  From 1990-1991 he was missioned by his provincial, to work for a year and a half in Cordoba, central Argentina.  He was sent there as a form of ‘internal exile’ because he was seen as being a divisive figure and they wanted him ‘out of the way’. There are interesting articles about this time in The Atlantic and also covered by CNN.  Since then Pope Francis has referred to that year and a half as an ‘inner purification’, certainly it was a time of honing his leadership skills and some of his writings from this time are real gems.   He often talks about a book that made a big impression on him by an American Jesuit, John Navone, called ‘Triumph through Failure‘, an interesting exposition of the ‘Theology of the Cross’.  Certainly, it was a time of enduring for Bergoglio, until  Cardinal Quaraccino, the then head of the church in Argentina, surprised by how he was being treated, went to Rome and asked Pope John Paul II to directly request that he become an auxiliary bishop in Buenos Aires.  The Pope’s intervention trumped the Jesuit vow against taking office in the church …. and the rest, they say, is history.